Women and The Friend Zone: An In-Depth Look into the Female Mind
Things seem to be going well. You two are hitting it off. She’s laughing at your witty sense of humor; she enjoys spending time with you, and generally likes being around you.
So what are you waiting for? Make a move! What? You’re scared of moving too fast and ruining it? Want to take it slow, see how it goes? Well that’s up to you.
You’re the nice guy, you want to show her that you’re going to stick around, be there for her. Is there anything wrong with that right? You’re not some douche that she’s always seems to be talking about. Why doesn’t she see that? Wait, why is she talking about other guys now? You thought she liked you?
Times goes by, you’re noticing that she’s not responding to your text messages. She’s cancelling dates with you, finding excuses to hang out with her other friends? What went wrong? Didn’t you do everything right at the beginning? You’re always there if she needs a hand, helped her moved, carried her bags when she went shopping, took care of her puppy when she went on vacation.
She doesn’t seem all that interested in your anymore. Yes, she’s polite around you, but you noticed that the spark you had for her at the beginning is gone. She’s just another friend. What went wrong?”
This is a common occurrence in the world of dating and seduction. Many men go in with good intentions and wind up in the area that many instructors and dating coaches call “the friends zone”.
But what exactly is the “Friends Zone”? Why is it so seemingly harmless yet so dangerous?
Malcolm has many articles that give a very good definition of “The Friends Zone” and I would highly recommend any readers to check them out. Check out “How to Get Out of The Friend Zone (and Stay Out)”. What I wanted to do is take a new look at this phenomena through a very different set of eyes.
I set out to ask a very beautiful and successful woman I know about this topic. I wanted to hear her personal thoughts on “The Friends Zone”. I wanted to find out “Is this all in a guy’s head?” and “do women consciously know what guys are doing?”
Having confidence in approaching, being able to hold a conversation, and being able to sexually escalate with a woman when she’s sending you the signals is what is going to separate you from the guys she places in “the friend zone”
Neocene: First of all I would like to thank Lisa for joining me today. Please tell us a little about yourself and what do you do?
Lisa: Well, my name is Lisa. While I’m at the moment a stay at home mother, I have a background in literature, fashion, and education. Currently I’m a romance and erotica writer. I’ve also been a runway model and classical dancer. Now retired.
Neocene: Are you currently in a relationship?
Lisa: Yes I am.
Neocene: In your own words, describe what you think “The Friends Zone” is. Do you think it’s a positive or negative title?
Lisa: It’s a place where I can get dating advice from a guy. It’s a chance for me to get brutal honesty answers from him so I can be successful in my current or next dating situation. (Here you can see that Lisa tells us that once men are in the friend’s zone, they become her source of information on guys from guys she’s no longer attracted to.)
Neocene: What would you say are actions that guys take that put them in this zone? Examples, etc
Lisa: It’s generally starts off as we are both dating other people and become friends due to being in the same friend circle. It would be awkward to try to take the relationship elsewhere.
Neocene: In your experiences, what were some things guys did right at the start, but didn’t follow up on later? Were there signs that you gave that told you were interested in him, but he didn’t catch up on?
Lisa: One example was my guy friend kept saying he never kissed a girl and wanted to (this was in high school) and I finally kissed him myself. He took me right home after that. Never caught on that I wanted more. If that wasn’t a sign then I don’t know what that was!
Neocene: Once he has missed the signs, does his attraction level drop in your eyes?
Lisa: Yes almost always.
Neocene: How do you feel about the men that have been friend’s zone? Is there a chance for them to get out of it? If so, what would be some actions that would make you look at them differently?
Lisa: I like men in the friend’s zone. Like a best friend that won’t steal my shoes. There is a chance to get out of the zone but it must be acted on quickly. I’ve been friends with a guy for 11 years and he is still in the friend’s zone. He acted upon trying to escape but kept going about it the wrong way. Best way to not get in the friends-zone is to not be one of her “girlfriends”. Don’t be a girlfriend that happens to be a guy.
Neocene: Are you scared that if you ever told a man that had been F-Z that you weren’t attracted to him romantically, that you would lose him as a friend? Do you place your feelings for him as a friend over that of him being a romantic partner?
Lisa: I worry sometimes about losing my friend. And yes I do place my feelings for him as a friend over being a romantic partner.
Neocene: What separated the guys you dated as opposed to the guys that got friend’s zone? What would be things that men could take away from those experiences?
Lisa: I tended to date the wrong type of guys. My friends-zoned guys would be the perfect romantic partner. However I have a fear of me somehow ruining that person, so I don’t date them. Best thing a man can do is prove me wrong.
Neocene: Do you wish more men had the ability to comfortably hold attractive conversations and escalate physically?
Lisa: Yeah. In fact recently one of my f-z friends and I held a random conversation and I told him had he spoken to me (confidently and sexually) like that years ago, it would’ve been a ticket out of the friends zone and into the romantic zone. (LOL).
Neocene: Lastly, what are some thoughts that you’d like to share on the dating and men’s confidence community.
Lisa: Be confident. A lot of women find confidence very attractive. If you come off as unsure in the beginning it will always leave a question in the girl’s mind like “why would I want to date someone who seems unsure of himself?” But also don’t be too sure of yourself. No one like a cocky person.
Neocene: (Optional question) Would you be more willing to have a one night stand with an attractive man you just met, as opposed to hooking up with a guy that has been in your friend zone.
Lisa: Guilty of doing this just once. One night stands mean no commitment and you don’t have to see that person again if you don’t want to. Hooking up with a guy from the friends-zone means you WILL see that person again which can have a side-effect of awkwardness.
As you can tell from my interview with Lisa, it’s quite easy for a guy to start off strong, but end up quickly in the friend’s zone when he doesn’t take action.
It’s this inability to act upon that initial attraction that turns a sexy man into her gay best friend.
In order to avoid ending up in the friend zone, you must stop doing the wrong things that you have been doing that murder your chances of attracting women and you must learn how to move fast and take action.
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