How to Have Confidence and Power in Your Approach With Women
The drill sergeants locked us in a room and put tear gas canisters inside. As the smoke began to overtake us we were told to put our masks on as fast as possible. But…
They made us break the seal, to ensure we got the full treatment.
Our skin began to burn like fire, our noses were oozing with snot, our eyes burned as tears rolled uncontrollably down our faces, and the tightness in our chest’s felt like a grizzly bear was sitting on us, and it was difficult to breathe.
Approaching women is easy. But it takes courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to feel the fear and do it anyway.
When most guys see a beautiful woman, they check her out for a while, hover around for a little longer, then mentally debate whether or not they should approach her, and then find a reason why it’s not a good idea.
They quit. But you aren’t that guy…
Have you ever given a speech? Sure you have. We all have.
Were you nervous the first time? Of course you were, you’re human.
But I’m willing to bet the more presentations you gave, the better you became. Right?
You learned to turn your nervous jitters into a better presentation for your audience. Approaching women is no different and is actually MUCH easier.
Whether it’s public speaking or approaching women that is new to you, chances are you’re going to feel the butterflies in your stomach.
The first thing is preparation and learning to deal with the nervous energy. That energy is there to serve you, so use it to your advantage.
Rather than having this bound energy, which can cause you to shake, rattle, and roll, you want to allow it to move through you.
Just like in our speech example, we aren’t going to stay locked in place at the podium, shaking’ like a leaf. We’re going to gesture and move our bodies, so the energy can flow through us. This develops momentum to get our rhythm going.
Approaching Women in 3 Easy Steps
You’re walking into your local grocery store. Prior to entering, you need to get yourself charged up with the right energy. One of the best ways to do so is to power pose.
According to research done by Harvard Psychologist Amy Cuddy, studies have shown that this body language hack can increase your testosterone by 20% and thus shake off that overwhelming nervous feeling.
How and where do you do it? In your car, in the restroom, or in public.
Literally, place your hands on your hips like a super hero or raise your arms high like you just won the gold medal. This is a secret that the best of the best utilize. So why not you?
Sounds bizarre, but it works and we’re here for results.
Now that you’ve taken care of the nervousness, let’s warm up with anyone and everyone. I don’t care if it’s a little old lady or a baby in a stroller. Talk to people. This is going to get you primed and ready to talk to the girl you have in your sights.
Why is this important?
Obviously, it’s important for you, to get your energy working for you, but it also serves you to make a good impression on your target girl.
Women love a guy that stands out in a positive way. This ensures “pre-selection.”
In other words, if they see you as sociable, likable, safe, etc. their guard is going to come down and make your approach that much easier.
It’s also important to train yourself to read her body language. While you’re making small talk with those around you, pay attention to her body language with your peripheral vision.
Is she smiling? Is she facing you? Does she look open to be approached? Has she moved closer to you by “accident”?
These are all signs she’s interested in knowing more about this mystery guy, you. That is what you want.
Now is the time to approach her…
Let’s say she’s in the produce section, looking at oranges. She reaches for one and you say, “Hey, I wanted that one.” Nine times out of ten, she’s going to smile and say something back.
Did you use a cheesy line? No. We’re you super nervous? No.
Why? You already laid the foundation of a confident, pre-selected (vouched for if you will) guy. She sees you in a different light compared to the other guys, who are in their own heads.
At this point, the heavy lifting is mostly done. Your job now is to keep her interest by asking questions.
For example, the conversation could go something like this…
You say to her, “Do you know how to tell if these are ripe?” Her response could be “No, I’m not really sure how to tell” Then you say back to her, “Me neither, that’s why I wanted that one, I figured you were an expert.”
The conversation can go in different directions, all of which will end up being successful. The main thing is to get your own state up first, then approach.
Once you begin to chat with her, keep it lighthearted and playful. Don’t be a clown or show off, but rather be interesting. Ask her open ended questions – not just “yes” or “no” answers.
One of the easiest ways to do this is to ask her something about what she’s wearing.
For example, “I like your bracelet, Where’d you get it?” or “Those are stylish shoes, where’d you get those from?”
Another approach is to tease her with a backhanded comment if you feel she’s more receptive. You could say, “I like your shoes” and when she responds, “Oh, thank you”, say “Yeah, my Grandma has a pair just like them.”
Women love to banter. Get used to being fun and creative with your approaches.
Always make them feel special by complimenting them on something specific, without being like every other guy who usually says something like “You have really pretty eyes” or hair, or smile.
These are things she has heard every day for her entire life and although it’s “nice” you want to stand out and grab her attention. When you mention something specific about her style or her choice of clothing, you stand out.
Keep it Short…
Your interaction doesn’t need to be a long one and it shouldn’t be.
Women want to be intrigued by you. If they feel they’ve got you all figured out because you barfed your life story or resume all over them, they’ll get bored and move on.
They want to know that you have a life. If you hang around them too much, they’ll begin to feel like you have no life. Give them just a sample of who you are and keep the focus on them.
Finally, remember, you are qualifying her just as much as she is you. You want to chat with her in order to see if you even like her or not. Don’t simply fall for her because of her looks. Not everything that glitters is always gold.
If you want to see her again, simply say, “let’s exchange numbers, so we can continue the conversation” or “let’s exchange numbers and grab coffee sometime.” Remember, If she’s not for you, wash, rinse, repeat and move on to the next girl.
Prep yourself by power posing. This will change your state from nervousness to confidence.
Approach everyone. Doing so, will help you get comfortable in your environment and help you become pre-selected, so she’ll see you as having social skills and therefore, social status vs. the next guy.
Interact with her. Ask her opened questions. The key is to get her talking and laughing.
Finally, end on a high note. If you feel, you want to interact further, ask for her number, so you can grab coffee (or whatever) sometime.
You have what it takes, be bold.
– Dallas Rivers
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