How to Deal With Rejection From a Girl
I’ve had the opportunity to work with men at much different levels than me when it comes to dating, relationships, and sex.
I’ve had the fortunate pleasure of working with and befriending some of the best dating coaches in the industry.
I’ve learned a lot from their attitudes, body language, and their positive outlooks on life.
You begin to see the world very differently and are able to live a much fuller and richer life. These are traits that all women love in a man.
However, that being said, I’ve come across many guys that are just entering this phase of self-improvement and I’ve seen something that bothers me quite dearly. How guys handle rejection.
Most guys do not know how to deal with rejection from a girl.
In my article series “That One Girl”, you read how I chased after one woman for 3 years of my life. I wasted large amounts of time, energy, and money trying to get the attention of ONE girl. It brought nothing to my life and in the end, made me very resentful towards women for a few years.
It was after I started taking this journey myself that my attitude began to change on life, dating, and love.
But why did I get resentful?
First of all I blamed her for everything. It was her fault I failed and she and every girl like her were all the same. I learned from my mistakes. I saw the areas I needed to improve upon myself and work out these areas that were holding me back.
Having an abundance mentality goes a long way in handling rejection. Just become one girl blows you off, doesn’t mean every girl will. Many guys don’t seem to understand this in the beginning.
They will go weeks or even months after their first approach goes wrong. With this happening over and over again to a guy, a form of thinking can arise. A girl might find you creepy and weird, but with a better approach, might find you intriguing and sexy.
Let me explain what I call “The Two Faces of Rejection” using examples of two guys that I know personally.
“Guy A” is what we’d call your typical nice guy.
He treats women with respect, keeps to himself, and never risks approaching or talking to those cute girls he sees. He constantly apologizes for everything. Saying sorry for every little mistake he may or may not make. When he can’t find a woman to pay him attention, he starts to leave messages like this on his Facebook wall for everyone to see:
“Reasons I need a girlfriend: It’s been ten years, I’m severely lonely, I need affection, I have a lot of love to give, I need a hug, I need a backrub, I need a best friend, I need someone to give me advice, I need someone to go to restaurants and movies with, etc. etc.”
Let that sink in for a minute. He actually posted this on his wall for everyone to see. Including any potential girl that might friend him in the future. All the warning signs of a needy, emotional mess are all there.
Instead of living his life to the fullest, being happy with whom he is as a person, he’s seeking the emotional validation of a woman to improve his self-esteem. This will always backfire on him until he learns that being attractive to women is all about attitude, self-respect, and being happy with whom you are first.
When you invest more into a person’s happiness than your own, their attraction to you will sink away. Remember, women respect a man that has priorities in his life, not just her own. Once you invest more into a woman then she does into you, she’ll leave.
Guy A is investing SO MUCH right away into a relationship, that any woman that does go out with him will be smothered by his affection and leave him. He’ll get mad, blaming the woman for not returning his affection and wonder why women always go out with bad boys, jerks, etc.
“Don’t women say they want a nice guy?” he’ll think. This cycle will repeat until he finally ends up with a just as emotionally needy woman as himself, if any at all.
Guy A will never go out and seek help for his problem. He’ll persist that he’s great just the way he is and won’t want to change his personality. Little does he realize that it’s his personality that is causing his endless failures with women!
He’ll blame society, the media, etc on his failures. He thinks being polite and friendly is what women want, but doesn’t realize that this isn’t what turns them on.
He’ll always get friend zoned because he won’t risk the chance of “upsetting” the girl of his affection. He plays it safe, showing her that he has little courage and would be a terrible provider.
I’m sure many of you know this type of guy. I know I sure have and still do sadly. I’ve recommended some great books, seminars, and coaches to help them, but they won’t take up the offer. “They don’t want to change who they are.” They’ve told me. But being who they are is causing their endless cycle of rejection.
On the other spectrum of this, we have Guy B.
Guy B is entirely different from Guy A in terms of his attitude. His constant rejection from women has turned the nice guy he once was into someone that is bitter and jaded towards women. Just because a woman has rejected him, she must hate all men in general.
Here is a snippet of a conversation I had with Guy B and his attitudes towards women:
“Personally I can’t even see what women see in us physically in the first place. I’m not convinced that women find us physically appealing THAT MUCH. I believe that they think that they find us physically appealing. I don’t think that they respond to any man the way my mind responds to a beautiful woman.”
Here he has formed the assumption through his years of rejection and poor luck with women, that women in turn don’t find men attractive at all, or not in the sense the way a man finds a woman attractive.
I’ve talked to many women, and they all agree: Women LOVE a hot guy. They get just as turned on looking at a dude in great shape as much as guys do looking at a hot girl. While they don’t hoot and holler like a guy does, they still check him out.
Guy B goes on to continue his negative view towards women:
“I was in elementary school, and I thought it was a collective commentary by all women that they don’t find us appealing enough to want to look at naked pictures of men. I thought it was proof that they didn’t think much of us physically and I couldn’t blame them either…”
Guy B has suffered a life time of rejections from women. This probably started at a very young age. These rejections caused him to form rather pessimistic and jaded attitudes towards women in general.
Guy B works for a major video game company that specializes in MMOs. Further into our discussion he told me how many guys working the game industry shared similar views.
Many passionate game artists, designers, and programmers have the hardest time emotionally dealing with women. Being confined to a work office for up to 11 hours a day, 6 days a week leaves them little time to actually go out and have a healthy social life. Throw in a history of past rejections and you have a recipe for a negative viewpoint towards women to emerge.
While I’m sure there are stronger and deeper psychological roots to the behaviors of both these men. It is a common attitude that I see at the beginning of all guys wanting to become good with women.
They must first overcome these initial mental hurdles they create for themselves. You cannot fake being confidence, charismatic, and sexy. Women will see through you like a sheet of wet paper. It’s only after you’ve mastered your fundamentals that you will begin to see REAL change.
Both of these men are handling their rejections from women in the WORST way possible. This only leads them to dead ends in their relationships, often marrying the first woman that will have them.
They never get to experience the joys in life, learning to love different kinds of women, and seeing what they’re really looking for. They’re happy to hold on to the first fish they catch, never stopping to think there could be a bigger fish waiting for them down river.
Every man is going to get rejected.
I believe you have to get rejected a LOT in order to truly become good with women. It’s nature’s way of weeding out all the impossible combinations that weren’t meant to be.
As I say to my friends “A man that isn’t getting rejected, is a man that isn’t trying”.
You should brush off each rejection as such. Don’t take it personally, and move onto the next woman you find attractive.
Every “no” will eventually lead to a “yes”.
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