How to Deal With Rejection From a Girl

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I’ve had the opportunity to work with men at much different levels than me when it comes to dating, relationships, and sex.

I’ve had the fortunate pleasure of working with and befriending some of the best dating coaches in the industry.

I’ve learned a lot from their attitudes, body language, and their positive outlooks on life.

Being successful with women not only makes you more confident, but also makes you a better leader, enables you to take more risks, and even advances your business and personal careers.

You begin to see the world very differently and are able to live a much fuller and richer life. These are traits that all women love in a man.

However, that being said, I’ve come across many guys that are just entering this phase of self-improvement and I’ve seen something that bothers me quite dearly. How guys handle rejection.

Most guys do not know how to deal with rejection from a girl.

In my article series “That One Girl”, you read how I chased after one woman for 3 years of my life. I wasted large amounts of time, energy, and money trying to get the attention of ONE girl. It brought nothing to my life and in the end, made me very resentful towards women for a few years.

It was after I started taking this journey myself that my attitude began to change on life, dating, and love.

But why did I get resentful?

First of all I blamed her for everything. It was her fault I failed and she and every girl like her were all the same. I learned from my mistakes. I saw the areas I needed to improve upon myself and work out these areas that were holding me back.

Having an abundance mentality goes a long way in handling rejection. Just become one girl blows you off, doesn’t mean every girl will. Many guys don’t seem to understand this in the beginning.

They will go weeks or even months after their first approach goes wrong. With this happening over and over again to a guy, a form of thinking can arise. A girl might find you creepy and weird, but with a better approach, might find you intriguing and sexy.

Let me explain what I call “The Two Faces of Rejection” using examples of two guys that I know personally.

“Guy A” is what we’d call your typical nice guy.

He treats women with respect, keeps to himself, and never risks approaching or talking to those cute girls he sees. He constantly apologizes for everything. Saying sorry for every little mistake he may or may not make. When he can’t find a woman to pay him attention, he starts to leave messages like this on his Facebook wall for everyone to see:

“Reasons I need a girlfriend: It’s been ten years, I’m severely lonely, I need affection, I have a lot of love to give, I need a hug, I need a backrub, I need a best friend, I need someone to give me advice, I need someone to go to restaurants and movies with, etc. etc.”

Let that sink in for a minute. He actually posted this on his wall for everyone to see. Including any potential girl that might friend him in the future. All the warning signs of a needy, emotional mess are all there.

Instead of living his life to the fullest, being happy with whom he is as a person, he’s seeking the emotional validation of a woman to improve his self-esteem. This will always backfire on him until he learns that being attractive to women is all about attitude, self-respect, and being happy with whom you are first.

When you invest more into a person’s happiness than your own, their attraction to you will sink away. Remember, women respect a man that has priorities in his life, not just her own. Once you invest more into a woman then she does into you, she’ll leave.

Guy A is investing SO MUCH right away into a relationship, that any woman that does go out with him will be smothered by his affection and leave him. He’ll get mad, blaming the woman for not returning his affection and wonder why women always go out with bad boys, jerks, etc.

“Don’t women say they want a nice guy?” he’ll think. This cycle will repeat until he finally ends up with a just as emotionally needy woman as himself, if any at all.

Guy A will never go out and seek help for his problem. He’ll persist that he’s great just the way he is and won’t want to change his personality. Little does he realize that it’s his personality that is causing his endless failures with women!

He’ll blame society, the media, etc on his failures. He thinks being polite and friendly is what women want, but doesn’t realize that this isn’t what turns them on.

He’ll always get friend zoned because he won’t risk the chance of “upsetting” the girl of his affection. He plays it safe, showing her that he has little courage and would be a terrible provider.

I’m sure many of you know this type of guy. I know I sure have and still do sadly. I’ve recommended some great books, seminars, and coaches to help them, but they won’t take up the offer. “They don’t want to change who they are.” They’ve told me. But being who they are is causing their endless cycle of rejection.

On the other spectrum of this, we have Guy B.

Guy B is entirely different from Guy A in terms of his attitude. His constant rejection from women has turned the nice guy he once was into someone that is bitter and jaded towards women. Just because a woman has rejected him, she must hate all men in general.

Here is a snippet of a conversation I had with Guy B and his attitudes towards women:

“Personally I can’t even see what women see in us physically in the first place. I’m not convinced that women find us physically appealing THAT MUCH. I believe that they think that they find us physically appealing. I don’t think that they respond to any man the way my mind responds to a beautiful woman.”

Here he has formed the assumption through his years of rejection and poor luck with women, that women in turn don’t find men attractive at all, or not in the sense the way a man finds a woman attractive.

I’ve talked to many women, and they all agree: Women LOVE a hot guy. They get just as turned on looking at a dude in great shape as much as guys do looking at a hot girl. While they don’t hoot and holler like a guy does, they still check him out.

Guy B goes on to continue his negative view towards women:

“I was in elementary school, and I thought it was a collective commentary by all women that they don’t find us appealing enough to want to look at naked pictures of men. I thought it was proof that they didn’t think much of us physically and I couldn’t blame them either…”

Guy B has suffered a life time of rejections from women. This probably started at a very young age. These rejections caused him to form rather pessimistic and jaded attitudes towards women in general.

Guy B works for a major video game company that specializes in MMOs. Further into our discussion he told me how many guys working the game industry shared similar views.

Many passionate game artists, designers, and programmers have the hardest time emotionally dealing with women. Being confined to a work office for up to 11 hours a day, 6 days a week leaves them little time to actually go out and have a healthy social life. Throw in a history of past rejections and you have a recipe for a negative viewpoint towards women to emerge.

While I’m sure there are stronger and deeper psychological roots to the behaviors of both these men. It is a common attitude that I see at the beginning of all guys wanting to become good with women.

They must first overcome these initial mental hurdles they create for themselves. You cannot fake being confidence, charismatic, and sexy. Women will see through you like a sheet of wet paper. It’s only after you’ve mastered your fundamentals that you will begin to see REAL change.

Both of these men are handling their rejections from women in the WORST way possible. This only leads them to dead ends in their relationships, often marrying the first woman that will have them.

They never get to experience the joys in life, learning to love different kinds of women, and seeing what they’re really looking for. They’re happy to hold on to the first fish they catch, never stopping to think there could be a bigger fish waiting for them down river.

Every man is going to get rejected.

I believe you have to get rejected a LOT in order to truly become good with women. It’s nature’s way of weeding out all the impossible combinations that weren’t meant to be.

As I say to my friends “A man that isn’t getting rejected, is a man that isn’t trying”.

You should brush off each rejection as such. Don’t take it personally, and move onto the next woman you find attractive.

Every “no” will eventually lead to a “yes”.

Continue reading here: How to Start a Successful Relationship With a New Girl

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Readers' Questions

  • assunta
    How to avoid rejection from a girl6 powerful advice?
    2 months ago
    1. Be confident in yourself: Believe in yourself and your abilities. Confidence is attractive and can make you more appealing to a girl. Work on improving your self-esteem and be comfortable with who you are.
    2. Take care of your appearance: Pay attention to your personal grooming, dress well, and maintain good hygiene. Looking presentable can boost your self-confidence and make you more attractive to others.
    3. Build a genuine connection: Instead of trying to impress her with grand gestures or pickup lines, focus on building a genuine connection. Get to know her interests, values, and aspirations. Show interest in her life and listen actively when she talks.
    4. Be respectful and kind: Treat her with respect and kindness. Show empathy and consideration towards her feelings and opinions. Being genuinely caring and understanding can make you more appealing to her.
    5. Don't fear rejection: Understand that rejection is a part of life and not every girl will reciprocate your feelings. Learn to accept rejection gracefully and move on. Remember, it's better to take a chance and get rejected than to never try at all.
    6. Be patient: Don't rush things or put pressure on her to feel the same way as you do. Allow the relationship to develop naturally over time. Patience is essential in building a strong foundation and increasing the chances of a positive outcome.
    • Belinda Sandheaver
      How to respond to a girl who blows you off?
      4 months ago
    • When a girl blows you off, it's important to remember to handle the situation gracefully. Here are some suggestions on how to respond:
      1. Stay calm: Take a deep breath and avoid reacting impulsively. It's important to maintain your composure.
      2. Assess the situation: Take a moment to reflect on why she blew you off. Did she have a valid reason, or does it seem like she is not interested? This will help you determine the appropriate response.
      3. Give her space: If it seems like she genuinely had a reason to cancel or postpone plans, accept it gracefully and give her the benefit of the doubt. Let her know that you understand and that it's not a big deal.
      4. Communicate calmly: If you feel like she is continually blowing you off without any valid reasons, it's okay to express your feelings. However, do so in a calm and understanding manner. Let her know that you value your time and would appreciate her being more considerate of your plans together.
      5. Move on: If her behavior persists and she shows little interest or effort in spending time with you, it might be best to accept that she is not interested. Focus your attention on someone who reciprocates your interest and makes an effort to be with you.
      6. Remember, not everyone will be compatible or interested, and that's okay. It's essential to respect each other's boundaries and be understanding about the circumstances that may arise.
      • Merico
        How to deal with rejection from a girl?
        1 year ago
      • First and foremost, it is important to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling without judgement or guilt. It is completely normal if you feel sad, hurt, or embarrassed. Give yourself time to process your emotions and to accept the rejection. With time, it is important to take steps to move on from the rejection and focus on other areas of your life. You may find it helpful to talk to a friend or a therapist about the experience. It can also be beneficial to identify what you have learned from the situation, such as what qualities you are looking for in a partner or how you could have handled the situation better. Taking steps to actively build your self-confidence is also essential. Lastly, spend time engaging in activities that bring you joy and make you feel good.
        • Yonas
          Why am i getting rejected by every girl?
          1 year ago
        • It's hard to say without more information, but there might be a few different factors at play here. Maybe you're coming off as too confident or insecure, or maybe you're not really listening to what the women you're interested in are saying. Consider reflecting on how you communicate with potential partners and how you come across to them. Additionally, think about your body language and what kind of vibe you're giving off. It's also possible that you're simply not meeting the right people. Consider broadening your social circle and finding new ways to meet people.
          • Habte Goytiom
            How to handle rejection from a woman?
            1 year ago
          • There's no one-size-fits-all answer to this question — everyone reacts differently to rejection. However, there are some tips that can help you cope:
            1. Acknowledge and accept the rejection. Accepting the rejection can be difficult, but it is an important first step in processing the situation.
            2. Take some time to process your emotions. It's natural to feel hurt and disappointed when someone rejects us. Allow yourself to take the time to process your emotions without judgment.
            3. Reach out for support. Talk to a friend or family member who can provide emotional support.
            4. 4.Engage in activities that bring you joy. Taking part in activities that you enjoy can help you to cope during this difficult time.
            5. Build your self-confidence. Rejection can affect your self-confidence, so take steps to build yourself back up. Spend time working on activities that make you feel good, or simply take time to do things you enjoy.
            6. Reframe the rejection. Instead of focusing solely on the rejection, try to focus on the positives from the experience.
            • Maya
              Do attractive guys get rejected?
              1 year ago
            • Yes, attractive guys can get rejected. Everyone experiences rejection, regardless of their looks. It is important to remember that rejection is a part of life and that even attractive people have faced rejection at one point or another.