How To Date A Girl – 11 Actionable Steps To Get You Started
Most guys fail to meet and score with women because they are looking for everything to be perfect and simply do not know how to date a girl.
These guys feel that everything has to be perfect in their lives before they can succeed with women.
I hope you can see what’s wrong with this picture.
If you’re waiting to have the perfect job, the perfect physique, and most of all the perfect finances, you’re going to be waiting for a long time before you would feel that you’re ready to get out there and succeed with the ladies.
The reason should be quite obvious.
First of all, the whole idea of perfection is very problematic because what was perfect yesterday for you might not be perfect today.
Most people’s conception of the perfect job, the perfect physique, and perfect finances change on a year to year basis.
For some people, it even changes on a daily basis.
Regardless of what your particular case may be, if you are looking for things to be perfect in your life before you can bring yourself to get out there and meet the ladies, you’re simply just sabotaging yourself.
There’s really no other way to look at it.
If you think I’m blowing smoke your way, pay attention to the guys who score with chicks all day, every day.
You’d realize that these guys are far from perfect. In fact, if you take a long hard look at them, a lot of these dudes are outright slobs and seem to be losers. So what’s going on? Well, it’s actually quite simple.
They simply know how to send the right signals even if they truly don’t have what it takes. In short, they’re faking it until they make it.
Sadly for every chick that these guys pick up and score with there is one less chick you’re out of. Do you see where I’m coming from with this?
The good news is that if this works for them, it can work for you too.
This blog post steps you through the process of faking it with the chicks until you make it.
In short, making sure you appear successful until you are internally ready to accept the fact that you are successful.
1. Remember: It’s All About Perception
The dating game is really all about perception.
If you’re able to wrap your mind around this and accept it, you are going to make tremendous progress.
However, if you’re going to be a purist or idealist about it, chances are you’re going to keep sabotaging yourself.
The fact of the matter is that perception matters more than reality.
This should be fairly easy to understand because reality is all about what goes on inside you. It’s all about your heart and character.
Your reality is the truth about you.
This is who you really are behind closed doors. Even when people aren’t looking, this is who you really are.
In an ideal world, it makes sense to focus on your inner reality instead of just focusing on your reputation. After all, our inner reality is the truth about us.
In practical terms, this is very problematic. Changing your inner reality can take too long and it often involves a huge budget.
The good news is that there is a shortcut.
You need to change how you are perceived by someone else.
This opens a lot more doors for you, and best of all it opens these doors quickly. Does shaping other people’s perceptions of you mean that you are a lair?
Does this mean that you are misrepresenting yourself or committing fraud?
By no means, all that you are doing when you are giving out the right signals, so you can be perceived a certain way is that you are building scaffolding for your character.
I know that’s kind of a weird way to frame it, but in many cases for us to become a person that we desire to be, we must first start acting like that person.
Eventually, our inner reality will follow. From this perspective, faking it until you make it is not an act of deception. It’s not even faking it.
If you look at it hard enough, it’s really all about changing your inner reality by simply changing your outward forms and the signals you give out to other people.
2. Don’t know where to start? No problem!
Now that I’ve opened your mind about the concept of faking it until you make it, you’re probably raring to get started.
Well, if you’re like most people, you don’t know where to start. After all, you are trying to achieve results that you obviously aren’t getting.
This is all virgin territory to you. The good is that this is a very simple problem to fix.
You only need to find the right role models. Zero in on guys that you know are successful with women and reverse engineer what they’re doing.
The great thing about reverse engineering is that you’re letting other people do your homework for you.
Going out there and scoring with the women can be a very ego-crushing experience. It’s too easy to make a mistake. It’s too easy to screw things up, and you end up feeling really small and it’s too easy for your ego to take a beating. By simply reverse engineering guys who are successful with chicks, you avoid common problems and you build on their successes. In short, they had to solve very common problems, regarding relating to women, so you don’t have to.
It’s too easy to make a mistake. It’s too easy to screw things up, and you end up feeling really small and it’s too easy for your ego to take a beating. By simply reverse engineering guys who are successful with chicks, you avoid common problems and you build on their successes. In short, they had to solve very common problems, regarding relating to women, so you don’t have to.
By simply reverse engineering guys who are successful with chicks, you avoid common problems and you build on their successes. In short, they had to solve very common problems, regarding relating to women, so you don’t have to.
In short, they had to solve very common problems, regarding relating to women, so you don’t have to.
2. Know what to reverse engineer: Getting women to feel comfortable around you
The secret to reverse engineering is to zero in on the key behaviors that will lead to success. There are just so many things going on that you can spend a tremendous amount of time and energy reverse engineering the wrong things. If you do this, you end up copying things that don’t really take your game to the next level. In short, you end up copying things and you end up at the same place.
There are just so many things going on that you can spend a tremendous amount of time and energy reverse engineering the wrong things. If you do this, you end up copying things that don’t really take your game to the next level. In short, you end up copying things and you end up at the same place.
If you do this, you end up copying things that don’t really take your game to the next level. In short, you end up copying things and you end up at the same place.
In short, you end up copying things and you end up at the same place.
You need to zero in on the right things to reverse engineer. One key area is to focus on
One key area is to focus on getting women to feel comfortable around you. Look at how guys in your social circle are able to achieve this. What kind of stories do they tell?
Look at how guys in your social circle are able to achieve this. What kind of stories do they tell?
What kind of stories do they tell?
How do they talk to women? What kind of tone of voice do they use? Pay attention to their facial expressions, pay attention to how they tell a
What kind of tone of voice do they use? Pay attention to their facial expressions, pay attention to how they tell a
Pay attention to their facial expressions, pay attention to how they tell a story and notice how they respond to follow-up questions.
Don’t expect to get a clear idea in the beginning, but just keep your eyes peeled for these small details and eventually it will all make sense.
Know what to reverse engineer: Getting women to feel that you “get them”
You need to get women to feel comfortable around you, so that you can lay the groundwork for eventual trust. It’s going to be impossible for you to get a woman to jump into bed with you if she doesn’t trust you. The first step to this is getting her comfortable around you.
Now that you’ve reverse engineered the signals that you need to send to get that to happen, the next step is to make them feel that you “get them.” This all leads to emotional intimacy. Again, just as a woman wouldn’t get into bed with you if she doesn’t trust you, she needs to feel that you get her. In short, she needs to feel that you are worthy of being emotionally intimate with.
The good news about this is that as seemingly complex as it may seem, you can actually pick up on simple tricks your friends use to communicate that they are emotionally open. When women sense emotional vulnerability, it’s easier for them to connect. Pay attention to how your friends or role models do this, so you can experiment with the right mix of signals to get this going for you. Another way to do this is by spending more time around other women.
Know what you reverse engineer: Getting women to trust you
If you did the previous steps above, then it doesn’t take much effort to fine-tune your game, so you can send the right signals to get women to trust you. This is a little bit tricky because you have to create a situation where there is a “spark” of intimacy between you and your female target. I am, of course talking about emotional intimacy.
Once you feel that there is that spark going and if you’re sending the right signals, as mentioned above, it will become easier for her to trust you.
One common way guys get women to trust them is when they mirror their target’s facial expressions, mannerisms, and tone of voice. You have to understand that people warm up when you mirror them because people instinctively become more comfortable around others that they feel are similar to them. However, there’s a danger here. Make sure that are not so automatic and mechanical regarding your mirroring approach that you come off as mocking the person that you’re mirroring. There’s a thin line between mirroring and flat out mockery, so make sure you’re very sensitive to the signals she’s sending out as to how she perceives your mirroring attempts.
When somebody gives you a gift, your number one instinct is to return the favor. Use this to your advantage. Constantly give gifts to the women that you want to score with. However, the gifts don’t have to be physical or material. They can even be compliments or listening time. Whatever the case may be, give so you can receive.
Rituals and appearances matter
To be a winner, you must first look like one. Let me repeat that again, to be a winner you must first look like one. I know that at first this may sound weird because being a winner is an internal thing. It’s who you are and it’s your character. I get all that, but the problem is we’re looking at the outside world here. We’re looking at the world of perceptions. Even if you don’t feel that you are a winner, you should at least try to look like one, so it’s really important if you’re trying to make it until you fake it to look like a winner.
Pay attention to how chick magnets dress. Pay attention to how they carry themselves. You have to remember that it’s not just about clothes. You have to project the total package. Pay attention to your mannerisms, the way you speak, and what you talk about. This is extremely important because winners tend to talk about certain things that excite women. If you’re just so focused on what these guys look like or what they are wearing, it’s too easy for you to overlook their choices of topics. This can be the game changer for you, so make sure that your mind is open on picking up as many small signals as possible.
Again, pay attention to your mannerisms, your manner of speaking, what you talk about, and also your voice. There are certain points in a conversation where it’s okay to speak at a nervous pace. You’re talking fairly rapidly. However, there are certain areas where you need to slow down a bit. Again, reverse engineer how successful guys pull this off. Try to adopt their style to your own and see which works. By constantly paying attention to how you’re being perceived by the female in front of you, you increase the likelihood that you are sending off just the right signals at the right time.
Adopt the body language of an alpha male
Thanks to our hardwired biology, women are drawn to alpha males. Alpha males in nature are leaders of the pack. They call the shots and they make decisions for the group. Biologically, women are hardwired to be sexually receptive to these guys because it can mean the difference between survival and death in the wild. As civilized and advanced as we may think we are, there are still certain aspects of our biological personalities where the desire to follow and please pack leaders is very powerful. To trigger this social instinct, you need to adopt the body language of an alpha male.
Pay attention to how alpha males put their fists on their hips, pay attention to their posture, and pay attention to their tone of voice. These are not small details. These and other alpha male mannerisms and points of distinction lead to the same place. They lead to an aura of confidence and command. If you want to control the conversation, you need to project outward signals that trigger hardwired physiological cues that elicit respect.
Pay attention to different conversation styles
I wish I can tell you that women are cookie-cutter creatures. I wish I could tell you that you only need to figure out the formula and your game will work with all women from all backgrounds at all times. Sadly, if I were to tell you that I would be flat out lying to you. There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all solution. This is why it’s really important, when you’re talking to your target female, to pay close attention to how she’s receiving your signals. You might want to mix things up a little bit because different levels of signals work with different types of females.
Every female is unique, so pay close attention to how you’re being perceived and always be ready and able to switch up your game depending on how your signals are being received. You can read up on how to be a better listener here.
Burn both ends of the candle
This is my best advice to you. What I mean by burning both ends of the candles is you need to act like a winner while working on being a winner inside. Put simply, aim to do two things at the same time while ‘faking it until you make it.’ Faking it until you make it is both an external and internal process.
Guys who are frauds and scumbags focus only on the external part. They’re just caught up on faking it. That’s not the advice I’m giving you. What I’m advising you is to work on both your external perception and your internal reality. Act like a winner while working on actually being a winner inside.
How do you become a winner? Very simple, you focus on the moment. You understand that what’s going on around you and you are picking up as many different signals as possible, and you’re learning from them. You sharpen your mind, you read up, you become more self-aware, and you pay attention to how your thoughts impact your behavior. You’ll discover the connection between how you chose to judge your thoughts and your emotional state. If you’re able to master this, then you are well on your way to being a true winner.
You have to understand that real winners and real alpha males have a tremendous amount of self-control. By focusing on the moment and sharpening your mind, you can make serious progress in interpreting the world in such a way that you always come out on top. Another avenue you could take when it comes to becoming a winner inside is to excite your sense of curiosity.
People who succeed, succeed not because life handed them a winning lottery ticket. They succeed because they’re excited about what they’re doing. They pursue life with a passion. When you excite your sense of curiosity, you are eager to learn, and the more you learn the more successful you will be. This leads to my final piece of advice, which is to constantly push your comfort zone outwards.
Guys who fail with women, along with the other aspects of their life, fail because they’re afraid. They’re not failing because they’re stupid. They’re not failing because they don’t have what it takes. They’re failing primarily because they’re afraid. If you resolve to constantly push your comfort zone outwards, you’ll increase the likelihood that you would take life’s challenges head on. You look at your fears straight in the eyes and you do whatever it takes for however long it takes until you achieve ultimate success.
I have some good news for you. When it comes to picking up chicks, it’s easier than you think. Just wrap your mind around this one key truth: If others can do it, you can do it too. I know that sounds like some sort of empty saying, but it’s absolutely true. Why? Pulling chicks is a learned behavior. The guys in your social circle, your role models, and whoever else, are able to achieve the level of success they are enjoying with women because they learned it somewhere. Most of them weren’t born like that.
This is great news for you because if these guys can learn how to do that, you can do it too. It all depends on your willingness to learn. As long as you’re willing to learn, you can make it happen.
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