A Hidden Truth About Vulnerability
And of course we tell ourselves that no true alpha top dog male is EVER vulnerable, right? He is an imaginary icon of strength and impossible expectations; emotionally impenetrable, painfully unyielding to no one, ice cold in his solidarity, and has no flaws. Do you know anyone who is a “true alpha male” or who is absolutely perfect?
I sure don’t, nor do I want to be because I couldn’t handle the pressure. Luckily one of the most fantastic characteristics that makes us who we are and able to relate to one another as people is our vulnerability.
Whether you are a master seducer, getting ready to finally ask out that girl from class, making that big presentation at work, singing at karaoke night, or even initiating sex with your wife after a long dry spell, being vulnerable is truly one of the most crucial and misunderstood pieces to getting the things you want in life, establishing the strongest and deepest relationships with those around you, and having a life of amazing success.
If you want an amazing life and to no longer live in the shadows of fear you have to make things happen for yourself, and part of that is becoming vulnerable and to put yourself out there; putting yourself out there to achieve what you really want.
Small time garage bands put themselves out there and pour their hearts and souls into each time they play, even if it is a little crummy bar gig. Novice comedians will tell bad joke after bad joke, get booed off stage, and put their necks on the line to make a name for themselves even in the face of failure. Even in the midst of adversity, they do it every week with an attitude that says “I’m never going to quit and I am going to keep putting myself out there no matter what”.
If you quit that dead end, shitty job and actually pursue what truly makes you happy like starting your own business, you are definitely putting yourself out there. Sure there’s risk involved and sure you are becoming vulnerable and making yourself open to failure, especially without that steady paycheck you’ve relied on for so long (even at the cost of your own happiness)…but with great risk comes even greater reward!
Something interesting about us humans is that as people, we will usually do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. Think about that. Is that you too? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that YOU are willing to give up on something that will truly make you happy because the path is too hard? Because you don’t want to risk failure? Because you don’t want to risk looking stupid?
I don’t know about you, but with the ONE life that I have, I refuse to spend it in a place of misery, fear of embarrassment, and worry of looking like a fool in front of people, especially when deep down, no one even cares because they are too busy in their own heads feeling self-conscious about themselves. Plus I just accept that I look stupid daily, it is just going to happen no matter how cool I try to be. I make bazillions of mistakes and I learn from them each time, and I’m okay with that and so should you be. Hell, if you wake up and just tell yourself that you’re going to look stupid today then it just allows you to let go and enjoy life now.
In the spirit of WomenAttracted though, let’s see how vulnerability looks in a simple approach.
Vulnerability and Approach Anxiety
So you’re not Casanova…getting there, but you’re just not quite there yet. Then you see an amazingly gorgeous girl that you want to talk to in a grocery store…I mean so beautiful that it’s just stupid! Well what typically happens? Approach anxiety anyone?
- You become outrageously nervous
- You’re mind races and is doing everything in it’s power to stop your body from going over to her
- Your approach anxiety goes through the roof
- You start to feel shaky throughout your entire body and it resonates in your voice
- Your palms start clamming up
- An intense rush of fear races over your body
- Self-doubt kicks in
- Your Limbic system is going haywire telling you to run away from this potentially dangerous situation
- False fears start drowning you
- A false fear that she’ll be a massive bitch
- A false fear that she doesn’t want to be bothered
- A false fear that people around you will see you fail or get rejected and laugh at you behind your back
Eventually you end up overwhelming yourself with so much fear, hesitancy, and anxiety that you walk away. You feel so ashamed about it too which is the worst. Hell, maybe this one tiny experience makes you close yourself up for the rest of the day; you avoid talking to anyone altogether, no friendly “Hi, how are you?”‘s, no making eye contact, and no more approaches. I’ve certainly been there too and it is a crummy feeling.
But do you really know what stopped you? Do you know why you felt that rush of nerves come over you? I mean deep down you know you can do it, so what gives?!
Well good Sir, you were just on the verge of becoming SUPER vulnerable and putting yourself out there, about to take a chance and take a risk. You were so uncomfortable with that vulnerability that you couldn’t bare the thought of going through with talking to this girl. You just couldn’t muster up the courage to put yourself out there – to say the first word, to be the first to show sexual interest, to be the first to introduce yourself, to be the first to ask for the number, and to take massive action.
At the heart of it, this situation is a typical one that even the best seducers face time and time again, but the reason they don’t back out is because they KNOW that part of going after the things that you want in life involves putting yourself out there and being vulnerable; being vulnerable by stating your sexual interest and risking getting rejected, even in public.
Becoming Vulnerable and Becoming Your True Authentic Self
Allowing yourself to become vulnerable means you are making the conscious and courageous choice to let your guard down, to let people in and see you for you, to go after what you want, to accept that you will fail and look silly sometimes, and that you are not going to let any fear or worry stop you any more, even if it means looking stupid in front of people.
Allowing yourself to become vulnerable means you are ripping off those reins of stress and worry that are latched so tight on your life and you are telling the world “You know what world, fuck it…yes I am not perfect and I am not going to try to be any longer. I am done living in worry and stress over every little thing that isn’t quite right about me and I am done living with such anxiety over things I cannot control”.
When you care so much about trying to have a perfect and flawless life, an unblemished reputation, about what others think of you, even people you have never met or will ever see again, you are suffocating yourself in your own life to the point that you leave little room for YOU TO BE YOU, for you to be your TRUE AUTHENTIC SELF, and for you to be HAPPY!
And finally, allowing yourself to become vulnerable is how you develop the best, deepest, most meaningful relationships and true emotional connections with those around you. When you allow your inner light to shine on someone, it allows theirs to shine right back and that is a great feeling to be able to share that with someone, especially when that is SO rare today.
Embrace Your New Vulnerable Lifestyle
Life has gotten too serious today. We are all held to such extreme and ridiculous standards, especially women, that we often times leave ourselves with no room to truly live! Guys, she’s not looking to meet the perfect man, she’s not looking for a perfect opener, and she’s not looking for a perfect seduction. There are many reasons why women hate perfection, like how boring it is and how NO ONE CAN RELATE TO PERFECTION, so stop trying so hard to be perfect! She wants to meet a man who accepts himself, accepts his imperfections, and most importantly truly adores her and her imperfections. And most importantly, meeting women is supposed to be fun!
Now guys embrace vulnerability into your lives! Let your guards down a little bit and let go of that annoying fear of failing, because, again, this is your ONE life and you only get so much time to live it. Stop letting worry and stress consume your precious time and instead let it be filled with happiness, acceptance, and joy for who you are.
If you have some free time, here is an excellent TED Talk discussing the importance of vulnerability and the true happiness that can be found in your life by becoming a little bit more vulnerable. Take A Look!
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